A Single Sentence
by Rulern Av Ost
Summary: The only piece of me that’s ever been inside the mouth of any dementor, is my dick.” Sirius said. And chaos ensued.


**Disclaimer: Characters didn't originate with me. D:**

O O O

"Do you want a piece of cake, Remus?"

"No thank you, Molly." The man smiled kindly at her, but it was quite clear that his attention was elsewhere. She quickly moved towards the kitchen, having every intention to do something to block out the terrible spectacle in the Meeting Room. Worst of all was that Professor Dumbledore didn't even seem to think it was necessary to stop them!

"Let them vent their anger out," Dumbledore had said. Molly fumed, thinking, "Well, I'm NOT cleaning the room up when they destroy the furniture! Imagine, all that hard work for no reason at all..."

Yes, Severus Snape and Sirius Black were at each other's throats like never before, and as usual, insults, threats and 'promises' being made were flying fast and furious. Molly did indeed fear for the life of the room's furniture. She rushed into the room with a tray of food, intending to try and distract the fighting members with some very tasty home-made snacks. If the two rivals didn't let themselves be distracted, perhaps she could at least distract the other Order members with something to do. Namely, eating.

As soon as she entered the room, Sirius Black stood up, slamming his right arm at the desk, causing Molly to almost drop her tray in fright.

The Black heir looked furious. His face was red from anger, his face narrowed into slits, and his breath hard and ragged. "How dare you suggest such a thing!" To no surprise, the man's voice was harsh and raw from the yelling match.

"I do believe I just did, Black." The other dark haired man spat back, contempt dripping from every word. "Or are you too dense to even understand a simple statement of… fact?" The man's hoarse voice was far different then his normally velvet tone. It was clear that the argument had taken its toll on even his voice.

"Just to let you know…" Sirius stated with a straight face and in a deadly serious tone, "The only piece of me that's ever been inside the mouth of any dementor is my dick."

Molly had to admit that for a whole ten seconds, no one reacted, not even her. His words slowly sank in, and that was when the reactions started.

Molly Weasley dropped the tray of food onto the floor in shock. Severus Snape's eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he fainted. Really, Molly would tell her grandchildren in the future, you had to have been there to believe it. Not only did the infamous Potions Master of Hogwarts faint, but he also fainted sideways, the way the girl always faints in cheesy Hollywood Muggle movies.

Albus Dumbledore was sucking on a lemon drop at the time of the statement, and began to choke on it in surprise and shock. He started coughing, and perhaps if it had been at any other time, someone would be there to pat his back, making sure that he managed to get it up again. But not at this moment in time. No, everyone was to caught up in their own reactions to notice that the old revered Headmaster was collapsing out of his chair, choking on a lemon drop.

Nymphadora 'Don't call me Nymphadora' Tonks responded by turning into a chameleon. Her hair was in at least sixteen different colours, her skin began changing to match her surroundings. Her tongue was sticking out, and it kept changing from a giraffe's tongue, to a lizard's, then to her human tongue, and back to a giraffe's tongue once more. Her nose was changing too, from a nose that was clearly imitating Voldemorts, to something that looked like a twice as big version of Severus Snape's nose.

Arthur Weasley was simply staring. If one actually watched him during this point of time, (which no one was, due to Sirius' confession), one would have believed Arthur to have turned into a statue. He didn't move at all, not so much as a blink, since Sirius spoke last. He was completely still, including his breath, and he just continued to stare in silence. There was no denial in his eyes, no shock, no nothing. He just stared.

Minerva McGonagall had just taken a rather large sip of her tea a second before Sirius Black's outburst, not expecting to be surprised "by the usual." Because if she had, then she might not have taken that precise sip of tea, at that very fateful moment. Sweet, very sweet tea in fact, due to Minerva's secret sugar tooth, which Molly knew all about. Tea was suddenly sent spraying all over the table and all over the people and their clothing. Poor Severus didn't faint fast enough to avoid getting most of it into his hair, where it promptly melted out the grease and put a shine on the hair of the totally unconscious Potions Master.

Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody's reaction was to widen his eyelids instinctually, perhaps a bit too much more than usual. His magical eyeball had too little holding it in place, and promptly popped out of its socket with considerable force, knocking into Mundungus Fletcher's jaw which was hanging open in surprise. Dung managed to not swallow the eyeball, which continued on, rolling over to the entrance door. No one paid any attention to it, they were all quite caught up in their own reactions at the moment.

At that very moment, the door burst open, and in fell Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the twins. All of them were wearing shocked expressions as they looked at Sirius. None in the Order reacted to the children listening in on a "closed meeting." Everyone was in too shocked a state of mind to care about anything, really.

Remus Lupin, however, was the only one in the room that wasn't surprised by Sirius Black's confession. He merely shook his head. To be honest, he was more surprised that this news surprised anyone. For really, this was Sirius, and Sirius did so many surprisingly surprising sexual things with surprising objects that would surprise anyone, and due to this, everyone should expect anything to come out of Sirius's mouth to no one's surprise, therefore the people that would really have been surprised would have expected the surprising surprise, and therefore would surprisingly enough, not have been surprised at all! Which hopefully would surprise Sirius enough to never try to surprise anyone again, which no one would expect, and therefore by not trying to surprise anyone he would have surprised everyone.

"Why am I not surprised that you did that, Sirius? First it was the statue, and then it was the chihuahua, then the Giant Squid one time, and even one of the centaurs! And you can't honestly tell me that what you did to Buckbeak in your room was completely nonsexual…."

Sirius whistled warningly at that. Remus glared. People hyperventilated. The twins high fived behind the Order's backs, massive grins on their faces.

O O O

**A/N: Errrr… Okay, I admit, this was strange. O.o  
Half of it I wrote on school, the rest I wrote four in the morning. Just a random crack piece , which started with a friend of mine joking about how Sirius screwed everything. Whether it had one leg or eight doesn't matter. D:**

**Then I joked about Sirius getting it on with the Dementors in Azkaban… and yeah.. This is the result. D:**

**I also want to thank The Stylish Nihilist and Lady Healing Hands from Gaiaonline for fixing this little thing of mine up quite a bit. :Gives them pixel cookies and a pixel soda: 'Tis became a lot better after they got their hands on it! :Laughs:**


End file.
